Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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