Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this is an emotional support booty call
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
