Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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