The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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