I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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