she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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