Welp...herpes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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