OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize