I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All the doctor said was why
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
