Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
