there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
