we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
