you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
