foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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