you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
