From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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