I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
