Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
