By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
