wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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