my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
