I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
