What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
