girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you