at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!