She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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