Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she smelled like a LAN party
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dating After Heartbreak
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first