Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible