SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part