His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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