I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
