Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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