My room smells like vodka and shame
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
