So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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