OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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