you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
