apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
