Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
