Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
bring money and cleavage
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
