ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
