Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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