i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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