Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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