we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
