I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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