life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
