You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
