my vag is so smooth its legendary
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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