My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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