i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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