We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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