We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
