I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
