In the future we'll all be gay
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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