can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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