just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
