Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
