i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
