I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
