I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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