we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
