we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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