Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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