I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
