my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
