Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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