What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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