i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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