yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
