If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
