Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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