listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
