drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
