Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
