woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
