so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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