You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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