Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
