I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
