question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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