So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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