Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
