I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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