My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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