Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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