Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
